Green Glass

For better or worse

I continue to use myself as a life model.  Or is it live model?

My husband, patient dear soul that he is, has been and would be very patient and sit for me.  But the truth is he always wants to see the result and it's always nothing like him but he feels compelled to say something reassuring to me.  I don't need reassurance.  I don't do drawing of myself thinking they will look like me.  I do them to see how to work with shading or see how a pen will work or what will water do to this ink.  Taken together, all the drawings I've done of myself, well, in total there are maybe two or three that come close to looking like me.  Some are so off they make me howl.  And I love them all.  Well, I don't, but I do love doing them.  I'm terribly patient.  Almost as patient as my cats.  And I don't mind it when I stare or squint or grunt, which is more than I can say for the cats.  So they will continue.  For better or worse.

Cousin Maude round up finale

I enjoyed doing a little recap of Cousin Maude, so I'm going to continue, if only for my own pleasure.  What a shock to flip through it and see how many pages I enjoyed.

I mentioned that I have too many journals going right now.  I know why I start new journals - I decide I want to try a new format for a new idea or medium.  But I end up feeling scattered.  If it's truly different - like sometimes I like to cut and paste and I love my little pamphlet journals for that with all kinds of junk paper - I don't have any kind of problem.  But when I end up just doing the same old just in different places, then I waste time deciding which one to pick up.

I know there is a resistance in me to doing anything other than watercolor (or acrylic maybe) on watercolor paper.  I just have to keep pressing myself to use my journal and not let that get in my way.  Character building.  Never too old.

I also have to push myself to use more photos or web images.  I just love sketching live so much.  And apparently I have no visual memory because I can NOT recreate without an image in front of me.  Tried it.  Epic fail.

Lastly I really like when I see people record their palette or material use in their journals.  I don't know why that appeals to me so much but IT DOES!!

Meanwhile, I am finishing up the journals I started for who knows what reason (I do, they are just silly reasons) so I can move on to another journal more like this.  Good information - here's hoping I use it.

Days of rest

 

Cousin Maude

Recently I finished up my Cousin Maude journal. 

 I made this from one of Mary Ann Moss's on-line classes (along with several others) - I think it was Remains of the Day (ROD) and it sat on my shelf for a while.  About a year ago I took it down and started working in it - I had used good quality watercolor paper and I felt like I was ready to take the plunge.

 

One of the things I enjoyed was that I'd used papers in addition to the watercolor paper that I really enjoyed - either large photos from an old book or images I'd taken myself that I printed on study paper.  I didn't realize how much I'd like having them, and that tells me I want to do that again soon.

This should also tell me that using better paper is worth it, because I liked my sketches more (especially the ability to work the paper more because the paint didn't just stain instantly).  Liking my sketches meant I did more and just now as I am finishing up a couple other journals I'm realizing how my production tapers off when I use junky paper.

I also liked the size of the journal - I'd made it using an old book cover, hence 'Cousin Maude'.  The pages had gotten junky, but the cover was still good, so I didn't feel bad about ripping it apart.  I do have a hard time gutting old books unless they falling apart or having gotten destroyed somehow.  Some people don't.  I wish I didn't.  Such as it is.

This is what I mean about my being a slow learner.  It takes me a while to absorb information and put it to use.   Some people jump into understanding from their experience quickly - but it seems I have to relearn some things multiple times before I apply them.  I'm hoping I've learned this lesson.  I know people's preferences vary a great deal and I absolutely believe we each have to figure out what works for us individually.  My frustration is with the gap between what I know I like and my willingness to let myself use it.  Some times I just shake my head at myself.

Such as it is

Right now I have too many journals again.  I'm fiendishly trying to fill the last of a couple up before my trip, which isn't at all necessary, but will give me a certain peace of mind.   All things journaling are being focussed on 'before the trip'.   An excuse to focus/organize myself which at this point doesn't need an excuse as evidenced by my repeatedly writing 'get organized' on every other page.  

On this trip I'd absolutely love to actually bring only what I want to use, and not have a bunch of materials rattling around in my bag "in case".  I find that rattling distracting.  It divides my attention.  "Should I bring this along today?  Should I bring this other?"  To that end I'm  asking myself - do I actually reach for this when I'm headed out the door? about the materials I have out.  I'm weeding down.  Except when I get seduced by some other wonderful supply that seems like it would be a LOT of fun.  One step forward, two steps sideways.

Too often I have twice what I actually use. I could so obviously make do with far less, and in making do learn a bit more about my materials, what I'm interested in and how to put those materials to new uses.

Meanwhile I push on, just messing around.  Such a burden.  Can you hear the violins?

Just making a point

Our fat cat disappeared the other morning.  She never misses breakfast so there was considerable worry.  All the closets were investigated.  Then at one point I opened a door and yelled, "Is there a fat cat in here?" and a thud followed.  She proceeded to keep me company the rest of the day; sat on everything I put down including my big watercolor pad.  Just to make a point.

She let me know she was mad at me by ignoring me.  

Not sad at all

Still from my big watercolor pad.  

Working hard at messing around.

Surprisingly difficult not to take myself too seriously.   Well not surprising, just sad.

Except not sad at all because paint doesn't really allow that.  Which is the point.

Hello!

When I haven't posted for a bit, I always feel a building reluctance to jump back in.  As if I need to wait till I have something good enough to put up.  Strange thoughts, but there they are.  Instead, I'm going with what I've been doing, which is splashing around to no great end.

This last month I've been messing around with my watercolor palettes and pulling out and making up different sets.  I've been trying to clean up and mentally sort out which colors I want to use on my upcoming trip, and that means using up some colors that I have in palettes that I don't plan to bring.  I don't HAVE to use them up, but...

Since I have a couple large watercolor paper pads that I've accumulated (how can I resist when they go on sale?), I decided to challenge myself to work BIG, which I am disinclined to do.

I consider it akin to untwisting a mental knot.  I start playing and then realize that I am avoiding something (like combining certain colors or wasting space with play or trying something because it might not 'work') and then push myself to do that.

Sometimes I like the result, sometimes I'm appalled with the mess I've made.  A good mental workout.

Between my daughters' spring break, medication mix ups and my frozen shoulder, thing have been both hectic and dicy in these parts.  Hopefully calmer days ahead.

Just messing around

I've been under the weather recently with bits of heath problems, and that has been keeping me from this blog.  It has not been keeping me from my paints and pens.  I was struck last month by a phrase Diana Trout used in a video I was watching for one of her on-line classes.  I can't even think now what specific thing she was talking about, but she mentioned that she was 'just messing around' in her journal.  That clicked in my brain with the research that shows that when we tell ourselves to 'think like a kid' we end up being quantitatively and qualitatively more creative.  So for the last couple weeks, when ever I am feeling low or thoughtless or boring, I set myself to "think like a kid and just mess around"

I remember the feeling of sitting down with a piece of paper and a pencil and simply beginning.  Coloring, linking, doodling, inventing, imaging.  When did I stop doing that and why?  I love feeling connected to my old self inside my new self.

Days of rest

 

 

 

Th-th-th that's all folks.

I forgot a trio of bunnies.  And here I actually worked on real watercolor paper, so I was trying to use what the paper has to offer and work on layering more.

Meanwhile, I am in an endless twirl with my watercolor palettes.  As soon as I get one set, I get befuddled by all the choices, and go around again.

I'm trying to settle on a basic palette (not necessary a limited palette, but a conscious choice of basic colors) that I'll take on my trip that's coming up.  I feel I'm finally getting to the point that I actually have some personal preferences instead of just following a palette laid out by someone else (although I am SO thankful that people do that - where else could I build from?)  But I admit, there are so many wonderful pigments and so much that can be done with them.   Ohhhh, the choices.

And then there are bunny ears.  

Have a good evening.

Wet noses

I've been on a bunny binge.  There is something about the string of grey days that need to have a counterpoint of floppy years and wet noses.

Ok, I don't know that they have wet noses.  I'm not that intimately acquainted with bunny noses.  But on these wet/icy/chilly days I'd rather be thinking of bunny noses which make me think of green grass which makes me think of spring.

I don't have any bunnies around, so I'm just working from the internet.  I am less impressed with the picture perfect ideal bunnies and more interested in the floppy character actor specimens.

Sometimes they become character actors simply by a slip of the paint brush.  Mr Lush Bunny above, for example, is clearly a bit of a drinker.  

I continue to work with paper that doesn't like watercolor and I continue to wonder why I do this to myself.  I have a pile of watercolor paper- so it's not that I'm afraid to spend the money.  I just don't want to waste it with my wet nosed bunnies.  When in truth, I love my bunnies, and owls and all my messes.

It's one thing to know what I should do (use the paper!) and another thing to do it.  

I'll get there.  Maybe.

a big fat bunny

Current way I'm making my pathologies work for me.

When I'm are in a bad mood, do something I need to do but hate.  It won't make my  mood any worse and might make me feel better.

Case in point - tax time!

Usually, I can find lots of 'necessary' things to do to avoid doing the thing I actually need to do.  Sometimes I use that to my advantage, putting a task I really hate on my to do list just to give me a chance to avoid it by doing other less painful things on the list (I can be quite productive that way).  But there is nothing worse than tax prep - or at least not for me this year.  Lots of unsorted piles of papers in lots of places.  So the last couple weeks have been a lesson in just doing what must be done.

Not that I totally avoided procrastinating, but it was mostly confined to the wee hours of the morning and napping.  Sleep and I are in a wrestling match.

But I do believe that in the next day or two I will be tying up the last bits of tax paperwork.  Which makes me almost light headed thinking about.

My stupid frozen shoulder (the left one, not the right one from two years ago) is keeping me from some of my favorite activities (quilting and knitting).  I have some big projects to mend or sew that are also on hold.  BUT  shoulder or no shoulder, I can still pick up a pencil and brush, so here's thanks for that.

Can I just say that if you are NOT avoiding what you don't want to do but are still awake in the middle of the night, a big fat bunny is a wonderful thing to occupy your time and paint with.

Just saying.

Can you hear the rattle?

Ok, since my other shoulder has decided to freeze up, I've had to put aside quilting and knitting for the moment.  There are muscles that just will not cooperate.

And, since we are planning a little vacation, I've decided I need to get my sketching in order (which is basically an excuse to play with all my (pigment & paper) toys).

So, this weekend I took out (or pulled up on my screen), some photos of flowers and birds to sketch.  The flowers so far are  ehhhhhh….

But...

Unexpectedly I LOVED my sketches of owls. And here's the weird part.  I liked my first sketch so much, I was resistant to make another attempt because of course, I wouldn't like it as much.  Which is the exact thinking that has actually stopped me in the past, and sounds kind of insane when I say it out loud but is actually what goes on in my head.

But lo and behold, I liked him (her?) too.  I wanted to try the same image on different paper, since the first one was done on 'mixed media' paper which doesn't actually take watercolor well, but I'm forcing it to.  So the second one was done in Maude which actually has some good paper.

And then I had to force myself to add some more birds to my first page even though I was convinced I would 'mess the page up'.

I didn't know I like sketching owls.  I'm going to have to put this into my brain for consideration.  Maybe it will rattle around and knock some other crazy thoughts out.

 

Days of rest